Kids say the darnedest things
by CocoaMoon
Summary: Spider-Man walks a less-than-grateful kid home
1. ASuperEscort

Peter thwipped through his city, patrolling as usual. He was distracted when he spotted a familiar mass of chocolate curls.

"It's already 2?" He asked aloud.

"Yes, Peter. It is 2:09pm. It would appear she is on her way home from preschool." Karen's voice came.

Peter groaned as he got a better look at the girl. Then he swung down next to her.

"Young lady, you really shouldn't walk and read. It's dangerous and somebody could take you while you were distracted."

The girl gave him a withering glance. "I wanna see the bum who'd dare. And plus, I'm not distracted. I even heard you coming."

The four-year-old missed the eye roll behind the mask. She was sooo her mother's daughter.

"That is so not the point. I didn't want to scare you!"

"I'm not scared of anything. Except clowns. They're not right."

Peter stifled a snort.

"What's your name?"

She considered him for a bit then replied. "LC. I was named after a famous general and the first black woman to run for president for the Democratic Party."

Peter was slightly surprised. She only let people kinda close to her call her by that.

"You know my family. My daddy works at Stark Enterprises. I met some Avengers at Morgan Stark's last birthday party. You weren't there."

Peter laughed nervously. "Yeah, I couldn't make it." Well, not as Spider-Man at least. He cleared his throat and changed the subject.

"Well, LC I'm going to walk you home so you can read all you want."

She weighed her options internally before nodding and grabbing hold of his hand. "I live on Avenger Avenue in the red house." She informed him but it was almost like she was telling a taxi driver. As she looked back down at her book, she realized she was going to entirely rely on him to get her home.

He gave a weary sigh.

This girl was going to add grey hairs to his head.

They walked in companionable silence as he guided her through the streets. Luckily, it was only a few blocks, which was the main reason her mom wanted her to attend that preschool. She wanted to raise all of her children to be independent and figured letting her walk four blocks would be good for her. Especially, since the city had its own personal superhero to keep an eye out for her to silently watch over her walk home.

They approached the house and he nudged the young girl next to him. "Is this it, LC?" He asked, feigning ignorance.

She looked up and nodded her confirmation. They walked up the stoop. LC handed him her book as she got the key secured to her backpack but the door opened before she could get it out.

MJ looked blankly from her daughter, then to Spider-Man, then back to her daughter. She crossed her arms and leaned against the doorframe.

"What did you do to get a superhero to escort you home?"

LC blushed a bit and stalled with an 'ummm' as she ducked pass her mom into the house. Peter handed her the copy of Trumpet of the Swans.

"She was walking and reading."

MJ snapped to the girl. "Leia Chisholm Parker! What did I tell you about walking and reading when you're by yourself?!"

"Well she is your daughter," Peter mumbled from behind her. MJ turned her silent glare to him before she rounded back on the child.

"No tv time tonight!"

Her little face was aghast and her own tiny frog mouth pouted. "But Mom! Daddy and I were gonna finish Doctor Who Season 3 tonight!"

MJ smirked at the masked super in the doorframe. "Oh and look, there's your dorky contribution," she remarked lowly— and knew him enough to know there was a glare there— before addressing her daughter again. "You can tell him exactly why you can't finish it tonight when he gets home from work."

"Aw man!" She sulked on the way to her room. "Uncle Loki was right. Heroes are narcs and goody-goodies."

MJ put a hand to her mouth to stifle a snort. Peter stared after her with his wide-eyed astonishment reflected on the mechanical whiteness.

"My own child called me a narc."

"And a goody-goody." Karen added unhelpfully.

"It was your idea to let the god of chaos babysit," he childishly accused his wife. She smiled triumphantly.

"I claim all credit for that idea."


	2. LikeMother

Just a quick little thing I thought of about these two and my little OC spider-baby!

MJ was used to waking up in the middle of the night to Peter staring at the ceiling. But never with such a sulky face, frowning at the vaulted beams with a jilted air.

"'S'wrong," MJ muttered as she reached for him. The look barely softened as he met her hand. "Dream?"

He sighed. "Yeah. The worst dream like ever."

To add some levity, she sleepily quipped, "About Flash catching us having sex?"

Peter groaned. "I had to live through that nightmare, even my subconscious doesn't wanna rehash that."

"You were secretly delighted by his horrified expression afterwards, though."

It was silent for a beat or two before Peter reluctantly assented. "Yeah, I was."

"What'd you dream about, Tiger?"

Peter huffed out a disgruntled puff. "You're gonna laugh at me."

"Do I ever find anything funny when I wake up before the sun?"

He scoffed but continued. "So you know how we've been debating on how to tell LC you're pregnant?"

"Wouldn't call it a debate, we've only known like four days."

"Anyway, I dreamt we just sat her down and told her—."

"—which is practical because this doesn't require fanfare and planning to the degree Pinterest and Parkers make it seem."

"— and the conversation is basically like the one me and you had in Prague."

MJ's hazy brain finally lands on what he means.

Her guffaws startle him.

"It's not funny! We sit her down and say 'We have something to tell you, sweetheart,' and she just says 'I know. You're Spider-Man,' and you're over there laughing — JUST LIKE NOW— and I say 'what how did you know' and she says 'wait, I'm right? I was only 67% sure' and I was so mad that I literally woke myself up because I was not gonna watch the rest of that secondhand embarrassment!"


End file.
